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Here is NEWS that was mailed to my readers on April 2, 1999:-

April 2, 1999

Bajan News

Investors with the FORTRESS MUTUAL FUND LTD. can now buy and sell stock in
their portfolios over the phone.... a toll-free number has been provided to
accomodate clients in the U.S.A..... it is 1-800-450-6461... you must have
an account to use this service... there is a voice-mail facility to take
orders after 5:00 p.m.

David Thompson has offered to resign from both the leadership of the DLP
and his seat in the House of Assembly. The word from the Political Scientist
at U.W.I. is that he should give up his leadership of the party but KEEP
his seat in Parliament... the rank-and-file of his party seem to want him as
party leader.. but certain executive members want him to step down.... the
question remains WHO is going to replace him... nobody seems to agree on
this... many are saying there is NOBODY else for the job.

Costlier to DEAD in Bubadus

A 1000% increase in burial fees mandated by the Sanitation Service Authority
has many local Undertakers in a state of shock.... and funeral expenses have 
just gone up accordingly.

Even the "poor" man gets a decent burial in Barbados... now the relatives
will just have to borrow from the banks.... to keep up the tradition!

This letter was submitted to Roy Morris, who has been giving the ZR men a
"hard time" in recent weeks:
From Ellerslie Secondary, Black Rock, St michael
To Whom wrote the story on ZR139

Dear Sir,
I would like you to stop telling so much lies on the van. I admit that it is
overloaded and has pounding music at times but that was not the case
yesterday. I was in the van and I read the you had the van was over loaded
and it didn't even have in ten (10) children.

You all black people don't want to see another black man get through. You all
always hustling minibuses and ZR's but you would never go and hustle a 
transport board bus which is always over loaded and some drivers drive very
reckless. I have prove from a number of older people for everything I'm saying

And the bus which you took the picture of wasn't empty at all. You all would
do anything for a story. Before you all go take pictures of thieves you all
printing a ZR which is trying to make money. A conductor does get only 10
cents and a driver 20 cents out of every dollar so they have to overload.

These vehicles have to make money. An yesterday you drove right past the van
on westbury road and didn't even realize it. da fuh ya, ya foolish @#*&@.
I would like you to apologise to the public and to the owners for telling so
much lies. I would like to see it printed in the papers in one weeks time or
else I would take my story and prove (pictures) to the advocate and everyone
would see how much lies the nation is tell. I just happened to have a camera
at school.

Note: your marked for telling lies and the Lord would get you for that so
apologise. Lucky my girl in't see you take her picture if not it would be


To which Mr Morris replied:
Dear Scare Dem Crew,

Don't hold your breath! This is as close to an apology as you will get. I
reccomend that you call Sonjii Phillips at the Advocate. She is a very
professional and competent journalist, who is cetain to treat you with
By the way, if you spent a third of the effort you employed to defend
minibusmmen and ZR operators on your English classes, you would be better

Well, don't look at ME for commentary.... I have a partner who is a conductor
on a ZR and he keeps me supplied with the latest "pounding music" from the
van.... concious lyrics to inspire me while I write my lines.... and I did
pass English at University level.... I just like Bajan better...
wonder why ???

Take warning.... it gets worse as we go down.... time to throw this rag in
the trash and go eat an orange.... while you are still in a happy and
peaceful mood.... I am NOT responsible for your mental state if you read
to the end of this newsletter.

The WEAK-end INVESTIGATOR is the subject of debate in the readers comments of
the Nation newspaper.... people expressing their views....
The INVESTIGATOR regularly features pictures of semi-nude females... these
pictures have been leaving a lot less to your imagination in recent weeks....
after the excitement over the school children, who were having SEX in the
stands at the National Stadium on their sportsday... everybody has something
to say about it... certain people are saying that the INVESTIGATOR is causing
low-morals in the Nation..... others are saying that the parents are at fault
.... and still others are blaming the teachers and the schools.

---------------  today, Sir John Stanley Goddard has
personally delivered a letter to the Prime Minister calling for censorship
of the WEAK-end INVESTIGATOR... he claims, "the Advocate (publishers of the
 INVESTIGATOR) has abdicated its responsibility to our society by producing
and selling its weekly tabloid in its present form.."

(but I say it is de peepuls RAG... they really NEED a rag... what will they
do if its taken away.... get on with MORE crime and violence)

Copies of the letter have been sent to every member of the House of Assembly,
the Senate, the owners, managers and editors of the Advocate and the

In addition, the Chief Education Officer is about to institute programs in 
all the schools to restore order and discipline and REMEDY the situation !
So it looks like the kids will be back to hiding....
hiding in the bush or in the toilets or abandoned buildings (plenty of them
all over the place).

The Chief Education Officer has observed that, "The incidence of sexual
activity among our schools' children is exceedingly high. I have stories of
fathers and mothers who tell their children they're old enough. Some of these
sexual acts are promoted by parents. There's a sickness in our society which
have to be admitted to".

YOU GOT THAT RIGHT... shame, SHAME on the whole BUNCH of you !!!

SEX is running the lives of you all ADULTS.... just monitor
some conversation in ANY workplace across the land... or listen in to a
 cordless or cellular telephone system... that should dispel all doubt...

otherwise look at VIAGRA sales ..on the RISE again...curving upward all
the way !!!

Suggestion.... why don't you all turn your attention to other more serious
problems like crime and violence... an try to stamp out Hooliganism..

Having sex at 14 or 15 is not a bad idea.... in fact, for boys,
that's the BEST time to have it !!!... later on in life... they might NEED

Let the youngsters have their fun.... and stop GRUDGE them... ya bad minded

MEANWHILE... from de grapevine on de school scene
Condoms, T-string panties, toothpaste, perfume, shorts and a blouse came out
of two flasks.... another had in X-rated book and pictures of the student
in the arms of a man believed to be a taxi-driver. 

When the nosey teacher threatened to report them.. one girl piped up
"Report me and have your car tyres flattened"

UPDATE index.